The College Compositions

This Note -- Become a Fan!

2009-08-23T14:12:00.000-07:00

4 Things I Hate About Facebook (I'd make it more, but that's overkill.)

1) TMI, TMI!

I've seen too many conversations like this one: "I have a stomachache and I'm soo tired." (Ok, that's fine, but wait...) A friend replied, "Perhaps you are pregnant," as did several others. She talked about how she didn't think so, and everyone kept telling her to check, and then, here's the kicker, she said, "Well, I can't be. I just had my period." -- Maybe I'm a girl, but that is a little too public, I'm sorry.

2) BECOME A FAN!

Do you ever look over on that sidebar of your home page and see those page suggestions for things of which YOU should become a fan? Things like, "Laughing" and "Eating" and "Enjoying the Sun on My Day Off From the Most Horrible Job Ever". My recent favorite was the one I saw today: "Become a fan of the page 'I hate slow computers'". Oh really? You do? I love when my computer is slow. Guess that's just me. Oh, and I hate laughing and receiving hour-long back massages.

3) Again, the sidebar. It really annoys me that you can't delete the things over there that you have no interest to see. For instance, two people I DON'T KNOW, that aren't even FACEBOOK FRIENDS (and that, my friend, is saying something), are getting married. And simply because two people (of my 300+ friends) have recently joined their engagement group, I am daily reminded of the fact that I really should join this group.

4) The next person that sends me a Farmville gift request, or a Sorority Sister request, or a MafiaWars App Request will simply be terminated as a friend. Who has the time for all of those games, anyway?! My friend Yvette and I were discussing how high-maintenance most of these games are. We both took a shot at joining Farmville until we discovered that you LITERALLY had to sign on and harvest your crops every 3-6 hours (depending on the crop itself) to keep the game from killing off your crops. Wait, wait, wait. Are there people out there who literally sit there all day and harvest and sell their virtual Farmville crops on Facebook? I guess so, because I get about 3-5 invites a day from that one application.

Of course, we all love Facebook and continue to use it, and please, no one say, "Well, if you hate it so much, why don't you delete your account?" Obviously, as Facebook truly is one of the only ways people communicate anymore, we all are sucked into the circular reasoning of why we have to continue our accounts. That said, there are several reasons why I do appreciate Facebook.

They just aren't as interesting.

They seem to be catching on...

2009-05-09T09:24:00.000-07:00

Here in California, we have a law that requires cell phones be "hands-free" while driving. This means that we cannot text, but we can still have conversations on our bluetooth headsets.

I've had a problem with this idea since the law was passed. Granted, the no-texting law does make sense. But my issue is, is it really holding the cell phone up to our ear that causes the distraction, but not the conversation?

Let me try to explain what I mean: I can eat a burger, while holding a shake in another hand, but cannot get pulled over, granted I am not swerving, or running lights, of course. However, I cannot hold a cell phone with one hand to my ear. Now, let's be honest, if I was about to get into an accident, which one would I drop -- the messy burger or the cell phone?

So why is it then, that I CAN eat a burger while driving, but I can NOT hold a cell phone?

I've always said that if they're going to outlaw one, they really should outlaw the other. It seems as though the government is possibly picking up on this. Watch this short video:

In all honesty, it may be a good idea. Drivers should not be distracted while driving. The only problem is, where do you draw the line? Can cops really pull EVERYONE over for not being in the 10-and-2 position? What about if my conversation with my friend in the passenger seat is causing my mind to drift, even if I am driving, with all intents and purposes, correctly? What about if I am driving to a funeral and I am crying? At what point can they outlaw "distractions"?

What do you think?

A Civil Rights Issue?

2009-05-08T11:16:00.000-07:00

As quoted from a Fox News Interview, and said by a black man:

"I've known people who used to be gay. I've never known anyone who used to be black."

Discuss.

Revised: I'm not asking if it's right or wrong to have gay marriage. I obviously realize this is a touchy subject. However, what I would like to know is, if, in your opinion, gay marriage is a CIVIL right as opposed to just any other type of freedom.

Joke for the day

2009-05-07T19:07:00.001-07:00

According to the Internet: Students in a Harvard English 101 class were asked to write a concise essay containing four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery. The only A+ in the class read: "'My God,' said the Queen, 'I'm pregnant! I wonder who did it.'"

Plans

2009-05-02T09:40:00.000-07:00

So we are currently unsure what to do with the future. For a while, we were thinking about moving to SLO in July... but then, we thought about the housing market and thought, "hey, we should buy a house while we can. Maybe we should save up and do that in October."

We were out taking a walk a few days ago, and Paul said something that made me laugh (and no offense to any of you who went to our local county college), "I think we should move. I mean, saying 'I got my sports medicine degree at Stan State' doesn't sound quite so good as, 'I got my sports med degree at Cal Poly.'"

So now we're thinking we might just do our best to save up money until we move in December. Also, supposedly it would be a lot harder to get federal funding for school if we owned a house...

We're just caught in what we should do because it seems like the housing market will never be better (for those of us who DON'T own houses) but, on the other hand, if we stay here and buy a house, what if we can't ever leave to go to a college with a good sports med program (I can get my English/Poli Sci degree anywhere, even online.) I mean, we considered the idea of buying a house then renting it out, but I've heard horror stories about doing that.

SO. I would like comments/opinions ... I mean, we have time, either way. We probably wouldn't make either decision until October/Decemberish. If we buy a house, it will be nearer to October; if we move, it will be in December.

If only we could buy a house in the SLO area....

A Thoughtful Walk

2009-01-27T18:03:00.001-08:00

Times are hard economically for everyone right now. Many are without jobs, housing prices are down, and the Stock Market is lower than it's been in years; to my knowledge, since the Depression. While I was just out taking a walk around the block, I saw a house with a sign on a tree that said, "Handyman and Lawn Repair -- No job to great or small!" with a phone number listed. It made me wonder, is this the sign of a man who lost his job and is looking for some supplemental income until he's able to find a job again?

I'm truly grateful for the jobs that Paul and I have. They may not be the greatest, or something we want to do for the rest of our lives, but we live comfortably. We are able to buy everything we need, and many times the things we want, while still having enough to pay our tithing and pay into our savings. This, I know, is truly a blessing from God during these times. I pray that our blessing will not be taken for granted, and that we will also continue praying for those around us who are not so blessed financially.

Now, off to do some pennysaving on our groceries at our neighborhood Walmart SuperCenter...

I have a million things to write...

2008-12-21T17:55:00.000-08:00

So I just got married 9 days ago. So, between the wedding day, the honeymoon, and the reception next week, I have a million things to write. So I think I'm going to plan on just little sections at a time to make it a little easier on me, partly because I don't have the time to write a book right now, and also because I don't think anyone will want to read all of my long, week-long journey in one sitting. I'm going to do a short installment on the wedding day (because it actually wasn't as eventful as I thought, but there are lots of stories from the honeymoon!) but the longer portion of this post will be on the first day or two of the honeymoon. The length will be dependent upon how much free time I have before Paul is done cleaning up and we start a movie:) Also, for some reason, blogger is cutting off the pictures, so you'll have to click on them to see the full picture.

Part 1: Friday morning, December 12, 2008 -- The Wedding Day

I've been to this nail place dozens of times. I have never had a problem. But, of course, that beautifully thin, french tip acrylic nail had to break right off -- on my ring finger, no less, half an hour before we left to drive to Oakland. Something had to go wrong, right? I guess that shouldn't have surprised me, and as angry as I was then, I have to say I'm glad it wasn't that the tire popped or something. It could have been worse.

The wedding was short, and we soon were outside, ready for the onslaught of photos. Here are a few of my favorites...

Everyone who was there that day.

All the siblings.

Isn't he cute?:)

This is where Paul proposed to me on April 17.

Just one of my favorites:)

This is the picture we're using for our wedding favor on Saturday:)

It was a really great day. After we froze for about two hours taking pictures, Paul's family and my dad and stepmom and we headed over to an Italian restaurant for dinner. After that, it was time for the airport...

When we got to the airport and checked our bags, we headed over to go through security. I've never had the least bit trouble going through, but this time, the buzzer sounded when I walked through the security door. She had me step through a few times before giving me a look and putting me into what was literally a glass box in the middle of the room. So I'm standing there, so embarrassed and about to cry, and I'm trying to tell her it's because I have 100 bobby pins in my hair (that's a large hunk of metal!) She just radioed for backup and asked that another person come help. So then she started the pat down and I guess I'm just lucky she didn't make me take all of those pins out, because, as we found out later that night, it takes about 30 minutes to get them all out.

The next morning, this was the view from our hotel room in San Diego.

The white ship is the Carnival Elation, which is the cruise we went on :) Needless to say, we walked to the dock.

Before going to the dock at 1, we had some time to go to breakfast and walk around a bit. We went to Denny's and I think I had the best bacon I've ever had. Then we walked down the street a ways and went to an Italian Farmer's Market, where Paul bought me a nice bouquet of roses and daisies for only 7 bucks! (We're experiencing cheaper life already!)

By the time we got on our cruise, the dramamine we'd taken with breakfast at 1030 was starting to wear us down. After waiting an hour to go in our room, we laid down and took a two and a half hour nap. After that, we decided to explore the ship a little bit, and were shocked to find it was 930 already, but then Paul said that he remembered that other countries don't follow daylight savings time, which made ship time 830, but his cell phone said 930. That was kind of an interesting thing, because we were never sure whether to trust the phone or not. Wen went up to the spa area, and I found out that you could get a mini spa/facial/massage for 99 bucks. We thought that was reasonable so I made an appointment for 8am the next morning, and they said they would do wakeup calls at 730-45 the next morning, but they also warned that if I cancelled it would be a 50% charge due to it being in less than 24 hours.

That night, we went to bed at 930. I guess the day before had been a long day or something?!

The next morning, I woke up and casually glanced at Paul's phone, only to have a heart attack when the phone said 840!! I jumped out of bed and put on some shoes and a sweatshirt, and started whining to Paul about the bad service, and how could they not call me, and I wasn't paying! I didn't brush my teeth, but just threw on my glasses and ran out the door up to the 12th floor. I rushed into the Spa area, and said, "Excuse me, I was supposed to have an appointment at 8, and they said they'd call me, but they never did..."

The lady said, "Oh, we're just doing the wake up calls now. We normally start them at about 745."

DUH. Ship time versus cell phone time. I felt dumb, but at least I hadn't been rude about it. I asked her if I could call my fiance (yeah I know, I totally didn't think about him as my husband yet) and let him know my appointment was just beginning...

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful until that evening, which was the Captain's Reception Dinner -- elegant night.

We decided to grab some virgin margaritas before heading to dinner (our dinner wasn't until 815... late for us early birds).

While at dinner, we noticed the waiters quietly singing the happy birthday song to a girl at a few tables away. When it came time for dessert, before we even ordered anything, our waiter brought us a little cake, so we assumed it was a congratulatory cake, and that would be it. Oh no no no...

"Excuse me everyone! Excuse me, quiet down please!" The waiter yelled. The restaurant with 500 people went silent. "Paul and Elizabeth are celebrating their honeymoon with us, and we have a tradition. When we start singing, they start kissing, but if they stop kissing before we stop singing, we start singing again!"

We were more laughing than anything. I was soo embarassed...

Anyway, that was the end of Sunday. Monday, we were going to Cabo San Lucas! Check back for another installment soon:)

So Much For That Little Lie Called Tolerance and Peace.

2008-11-08T11:28:00.000-08:00

Warning: I make no apologies for what is written here. Everyone that has known me at any point in my life has known that I am not one to sit quietly when I feel as though the things I believe in strongly are being torn away from me. As I sit on the edge of this dam, watching the floodwaters build and make ready to spill over, I can't help but cry out to those I know to be at attention for upcoming, inevitable things. Also excuse me if I sound at all like the (un)popular radio voice, Michael Savage. You can blame my stepdad for that:)
As I point things out, however, I would like two things to be known.
1) I am sharing articles of fact. When I make my own statement, you are welcome to argue with me about what I say, but please don't argue with any article I post, as that is irrelevant and pointless, since the event has already occurred.
2) These are my political viewpoints I am sharing. Though it may look like I am stereotyping with statements here and there, I do not mean that every person in a particular group is that way, nor do I mean that everyone from my political camp is the opposite or exempt from the evil I will be attempting to describe.

You've been warned. Read no farther if you can't handle possibly being offended, or being disagreed with.

Oh, P.S... excuse me for any sarcasm you may encounter.

P.P.S. If you want to protect your own reputation, as I am obviously not doing in the eyes of many Americans, feel free to post anonymously.

I was surprised this morning, while driving to my mom's house, to see a swell of protesters still standing on street corners with "NO on 8, Unfair. Wrong." and "Equality for All, Vote No on 8." signs waving, and people looking angry. Honestly, as much as I encouraged everyone to vote yes on 8 last weekend and didn't want to see No on 8 signs out before the election, this simply is ridiculous. The election is over, and standing out on corners now will not change the vote that put an amendment into the state constitution on Tuesday. I understand being upset, and I understand that they want their voice to be heard. That is completely acceptable, however...

Whether you are Mormon or not, this should shock you the amount of persecution the Mormon church has been receiving. I'll start off with the No on 8 video ad that was launched last weekend in an attempt to grab the final last undecided voters.

Also, these past two days, keep in mind the election was several days ago now, protesters have marched the streets of Salt Lake City and Los Angeles, and have been spray-painting Mormon chapels, and protesting in front of Mormon Temples in both LA and in Salt Lake City (and undoubtedly in more cities to come). Please read this article or this one to read it for yourself. The short of it, in my words, are that 2000 protesters were outside of the temple yesterday, screaming angry words telling Mormons to go to hell, and that they would be out there camping until they get their right to be married. The temple was closed temporarily, and the demonstration was not disbanded. A quote from an article on situation says,

One LDS member in the area said, "I don't quite understand our police
response (even though I'm one of the police). If this was happening at a
Jewish synagogue or a Catholic church, we would be arresting people for hate
crimes. As it is at the moment, protestors are sitting on the walls of the
temple and the police are on the grounds inside. Church members in our area
were called last night to come down to the stake center and spend the night
protecting the building from vandalism -- it's like 150 years ago."

I'll just comment for a moment on a few things.
1) Mormons were obviously the only people that wanted prop 8 to pass, which is why even though California is NOT dominated by Mormons, it passed by 5 percent (or thereabout.) Directing anti-church videos is the correct and proper, civil way of making your voice heard.
2) Screaming and protesting in front of a Mormon temple is going to change the amendment.
3) No, I won't even comment on "rights" again.
4) Religious persecution is perfectly acceptable if you are angrily protesting your own rights.

This is a quote from someone's blog.

A Worldnetdaily.com article noted that homosexual blogs have been boiling with threats toward Christians. Burn their [blank] churches to the ground, and then tax the charred timbers," wrote "World O Jeff" on a blog. On another website
"Tread" wrote, "I hope the No on 8 people have a long list and long knives."
On another website, a contributor wrote, "Can someone in CA please go burn
down the Mormon temples there, PLEASE. I mean seriously. DO IT."

On another website "scottinsf" wrote, "Trust me. I've got a big list of
names of mormons and catholics that were big supporters of Prop 8. ... As
far as mormons and catholics ... I warn them to watch their backs."

Another blog entry: "If you're planning a heterosexual wedding in
California ... be prepared for picketers. Designate someone to watch the
parking lot ... You're going to have lots of unexpected expenses. Add $500
to your budget for security. ... Be prepared for the flowers not lasting to
the reception or the tuxedos showing up two sizes too small or the music at
the reception being a way too loud or the cake tasting a little funny,"
stated another threat. "Be afraid. Be very afraid. We are everywhere."

Thus it continues on and on and Matt Barber, director of cultural affairs
for Liberty Counsel called the statements "hate crimes" for their intent to
create violence against someone based on their beliefs and called on the
Human Rights Campaign, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and "other
leaders within the homosexual lobby" to call for an end to such threats.

Thus, the true colors of some of those who push this agenda are in clear
display. It is a kind of domestic terrorism designed to silence and quell
anyone who oppose this agenda as it marches through our nation.

On the same day, this happened, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
Saints, issued a statement calling for mutual civility. "No one on any side
of the question should be vilified, intimidated or harassed." It is a call
to turn the other cheek.

Quoted from This Original Article

I really could go on about the No on 8 situation, and the persecution that has once again begun not only for the Mormon church, I'd like to point out, but for all churches who take a stand to defend what is in Scripture. I said I wasn't going to talk about rights again, but I have to point out again that in California gay couples have what is called "civil union" which includes all the same rights as marriage, just not the title. Why, if they are so against religion, do they need a religious-based title?

Coming soon: The ObamaNation and Other Things to Be Worried About

All Four Candidates Support Traditional Marriage

2008-10-24T17:54:00.000-07:00

Whether you are a democrat or a republican, voting for Obama or McCain, at least you should be able to take the lead from whomever you are choosing to be your next president.

Vice Presidential Candidates Support Traditional Marriage!

I agree with both candidates on this. Gay couples should have civil rights, and in many places they already do. However, the definition of marriage should be the traditional definition between one man and one woman.

Does Tolerance Go Both Ways?

2008-10-13T17:10:00.003-07:00

I've had many people say that I am intolerant for what I believe. When I say many, I mean no one in particular, but rather "many" as I say. But what I have to wonder is, how is my respect and love for gay people, but a belief that their lifestyle is wrong, "intolerant." I have to wonder, as I have been repeatedly attacked for what I post and what I believe, if tolerance really goes both ways. If one group can demand tolerance, shouldn't I be able to as well?

Please read this article on such lack of tolerance. Keep in mind that I did not write this, but am merely reposting an already-written article containing fact on what is happening.

MODESTO-October 13—In a violent display of intolerance, an opponent of Proposition 8 attacked and seriously injured a man who was volunteering on Sunday for the initiative to define marriage as between and a man and a woman.

Prop. 8 supporter, Jose Nunez, 37, was brutally assaulted while waiting to distribute yard signs to other supporters of the initiative after church services at the St. Stanislaus Parish in Modesto.

The assailant grabbed about 75 signs and yelled at Nunez accusingly, “What do you have against gays!” Although Nunez replied that he had nothing against gays, he was attacked anyway. The assailant punched Nunez in the left eye and ran off with the signs.

Nunez, his eye dripping with blood, walked into a building on church grounds where a fellow parishoner called 911. Police and paramedics responded to the scene.

Nunez, who suffered a bloody eye, serious wounds to his face, and a scratch to his knee, was rushed by ambulance to a local hospital where he received 16 stitches under his eye.

According to the Yes on 8 campaign, the attack shows that their opponents are not as tolerant and open-minded as they would like voters to believe.

“It’s outrageous that the No campaign calls themselves the voice of tolerance and moderation and wants people to feel bad for supporting Prop. 8. There was nothing tolerant or moderate about beating up Jose,” said ProtectMarriage.com—Yes on 8 press secretary Chip White. “Clearly the man who attacked Jose is intolerant of those who support traditional marriage,” White added.

Ironically, Nunez, a native of Mexico, became an American citizen two months ago and plans to vote for the first time in November. Nunez, who is recovering and in good spirits, said the attack only strengthens his resolve to help ensure that Prop. 8 passes.

“The other side wants to intimidate us, but we can’t stop standing up for traditional marriage. I may be bloody and bruised, but I’m not giving up. Protecting traditional marriage is just too important for our kids,” said Nunez, the father of three children, ages 9, 5, and 3. “I don’t want my kids taught in public school that same sex-marriage is the same as traditional marriage,” Nunez added.

Nunez has been forced to take time off work to recover. It was not immediately clear how much Nunez will suffer in medical expenses and lost wages.

Anyone who is interested in contributing funds toward Nunez’s medical expenses or lost wages may contact the campaign at info@protectmarriage.com.

http://protectmarriage.com/article/prop-8-supporter-violently-attacked-for-distributing-lawn-signs

They can't say "That Won't Happen"

2008-10-11T17:08:00.004-07:00

This news story talks about how first grade children in San Francisco were taken for a field trip to see a same-sex marriage take place. The fact that so many people I know that are "no on 8" activists telling me that I am reading and spreading propaganda and that "those things won't happen; we just want our civil rights" are obviously either naive or are withholding the truth.

Read the article and educate yourself as to what IS happening.

Prop 8 Commercial.. For those of us who don't have TV

2008-10-10T17:32:00.002-07:00

I got this from another great site I found. isupportmarriage.com

Also, this is a long, but informative, fairly objective video. If you have the time to watch it, it goes through the history of the last 8 years, the vote of the people of California vs. the four judges. I have to admit that I was somewhat surprised at the conservative sound of a usually liberal media, which makes me question even more -- if even a liberal media says "hey wait, they can't do that -- that was the vote of the people of California!" maybe we should question just what is going on here.

A Few More Great Videos and Something a Friend Said...

2008-10-09T18:39:00.003-07:00

Here is a copied version of something a friend posted on facebook. I agreed with everything she said, and wanted to reiterate it by posting it here. I am also posting here videos with good information to watch to help you talk to those you know who are unsure on which way to vote. Also, please remember that it is by our participation that we can make Prop 8 pass! If we believe in a cause, we must stand up for it. Thank goodness the founding fathers weren't pansies like a lot of us, or we'd still be part of England. We need to decide what we believe and go for it! :)

This is also a great video. Please take the 6 or 7 minutes to watch it. I would have embedded it here but it is not on youtube. This video shows how a man was arrested just for wanting his parental notification on what his five year old child was learning about same-sex marriage after the kindergartener was sent home with a book condoning gay marriage.

"I support Proposition 8. This proposition is vital and important in protecting the values of family and morality I hold very dear to my heart. I want to give my children the same rights of free speech, religious and family value tolerance I have enjoyed growing up in the great state of California. I love California. It is hard to express in words how much I love it. I really can't imagine living anywhere else. However, if proposition 8 does not pass I do not think California will be the kind of place where I will want to raise my family. The Lord has ordained marriage to be between a man and a women and any teaching contrary to that is not ordained of God. Some may say that by supporting prop 8 I am not being tolerant. The word tolerant has gained a new meaning over the years. In popular society if you do not accept the acts of a person you are not accepting them and therefore intolerant. But I do not believe I need to be tolerant of something I do not support. Jesus said love everyone. "We can love someone while still maintaining and advocating our standards and beliefs." This is what I have always tried to do and I believe by voting yes on prop 8 and by sharing what I know I am upholding my standards. Please seriously consider your position on this very important issue, which will have effects for years to come, and vote. It is an American tradition so many have died for, so respect them and respect yourself; educate yourself and vote.

Here are some websites with more information about Proposition 8

http://www.preservingmarriage.org/
http://www.catholicvote.com/
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1815825713/bctid1819819843"

Vote Yes on Prop 8!

2008-10-08T21:06:00.004-07:00

We went to a church broadcast tonight concerning Prop 8. Though I know that everyone who reads my blog is against my participation in the Mormon church, please pass on the information that I post here, as I also know that Proposition 8 passing is very important to any of my California family.

A few important things we can do, as Christians and those who believe in the definition of marriage to solely include a man and a woman be joined together, is start helping the actual canvassing and persuasion coalitions to turn the vote to yes on November 4th. You can do this by going online to protectmarriage.com and registering to help and to continue receiving information on how to talk to family and friends. Another great website is preservingmarriage.org where you can find similar information from a scriptural-based perspective.

Please get the word out! This upcoming vote will affect not only your children or grandchildren, but their children and grandchildren as well. This proposition, if it fails, will immediately increase taxes, and the sexual education, as well as many other types of education in public schools, will soon be teaching children not only of the sexual nature between a man and a woman, but also those between man and man and woman and woman. The tolerance the state of California is trying to expand will soon begin pushing the limits even farther.

Also, if you are not yet registered to vote, PLEASE DO SO! The deadline is October 20th to have your form into the registrar's office. And if you are registered to vote, please actually do so. This proposition, whichever direction it takes, will change the future of not only California but of the United States. Let's make that change a positive one and keep marriage holy and sanctified as it was ordained of God -- between a man and a woman only.

Make Hay While the Sun Shines

2008-09-06T09:27:00.003-07:00

There are several sayings and words I use that I've noticed a lot of people have no clue what I am talking about or trying to communicate. This is pretty frustrating for me, because I'm not sure if I'm the weird one, or if they're just uneducated.

For instance, the other night while hanging out with Paul and Julia, I said something to Paul about how he needed to get his homework done now since he had the time, and I tagged on, "Make hay while the sun shines." He looked at me like I had something bright orange on my forehead then asked me what that was supposed to mean. I said, "Haven't you ever heard that? It means do things while you have the time before you can't do them anymore. Get things done early and work hard while you have the chance."

I looked to Julia for confirmation, but she looked only slightly enlightened by my explanation. "You've heard that, haven't you?" I asked her.

"No, actually," she answered.

"You say a lot of things that no one's ever heard of," Paul said.

Now see this is frustrating for me, because it happens quite often. A lot of the traditional sayings I grew up hearing and learning turn out to be "family sayings."

However, it's not just with sayings though, so that's what leads me to believe people are uneducated. I can't recall an exact instance now, but there have been several times I'll be in conversation with a few people, even at college and in my advanced English classes, and I'll say a word or two that, to me, seem normal. I've read them, I've said them, I've used them in conversation with my sister or mother or brother... but everyone else, when they hear them, either look surprised and say, "Wow, that's a big word!" or they just look confused and ask me to rephrase my sentence.

I don't know, I suppose that's what happens when you don't grow up watching SpongeBob like everyone else, and you actually read books like Jane Eyre when you're 11 or 12. Maybe I am the weird one. It feels wrong to "dumb myself down" though and use smaller words or shorter sentences.

That thought actually leads me to another, one that bothered me a lot in my English class quite a bit. Just because I know how to write longer sentences, unlike the rest of the current population, with the usage of semicolons and correctly placed commas, doesn't mean that I should have to shorten them just to make them easier to read. Doesn't anyone read older literature anymore and actually understand it? I'll give that -- was it Mark Twain?-- wrote much too long of sentences; 1 page sentences get a little tiring. However, the usage of one semicolon is not ridiculous and outdated as my teacher and fellow students tried to tell me.

Oh well. I'll keep being the English freak and try to get used to not being able to communicate well, even though I'm the one communicating correctly. *sigh*

4 Things

2008-09-06T09:07:00.003-07:00

I got tagged by my cousin, Jessica to do this little survey thing...

Here it goes:

4 things I was doing 10 years ago:
-riding horses
-going to gymnastics
-going to the beginning of 4th grade
-... i have no idea, honestly.

4 things on my to do list for today:
-Actually move my bathroom stuff into the bathroom
-Take a nap
-Take Paul lunch
-Go to the Haiti Fundraiser Dinner!

4 things I love about my (future) husband:
-How patient and calm he is about things
-That he wants me to be able to stay home with our kids, and is working towards a good job to make that possible
-That when I have a need or something important on my mind, he is always there to listen and to talk with me about it.
-That he always thinks I'm beautiful, even when I've been crying, my hair is a mess, and I'm sick or sad.

4 jobs I have had:
-Yogurt Mill "Crewmember"
-Starbucks
-Hostess/Waitress at Mexican restaurants (La Morenita and Puerto Vallarta)
-I'm not sure what I'm called but I do the billing, filing, and shipping for DepoBook

4 movies I have watched more than once:
-How To Lose a Guy In Ten Days
-Star Wars
-Anne of Green Gables
-Lord of the Rings

4 places I have lived:
-Turlock, growing up in two separate homes
-Modesto, with my mom
-Rexburg
-In Modesto again with my friend's family

4 place I have been:
-Yellowstone
-Disneyland
-Grand Rapids, Minnesota
-Ashton, Idaho. No, no one knows where it is, you're right.

4 places I want to visit:
-The East Coast
-France, Spain, Italy
-My sister ... although not for the place...
-Baja California

4 t.v. shows I watch:
-Law and Order
-Spongebob ... except I don't really watch it, it's just on
-Numb3rs
-Monk

4 things you may not know about me:
-I really like my time alone, but I need people more than I let on sometimes. It's that weird mix of kind of being an "only" child.
-I have never cried during any movie at all anytime... but I do cry during music sometimes.
-You probably all know I used to be a night owl, but you probably don't know that NOW... I like to go to bed around 1030 or 11 at the latest, and I wake up about 730 every morning.. even when I try to sleep in. Like this morning - that was annoying.
-I hate being in any kind of fight or disagreement with anyone. I usually can't stop thinking about it until it's resolved or until they like me again.

I tag Breanne. She's the only other friend I have:)

My New Job

2008-08-29T20:59:00.003-07:00

Coming back to California, I knew I had to get a job right away. The biggest red flag indicator of this need was the five dollar balance I had in my checking account. I have never had trouble finding a job, so as I started my search, I was confident I would get a job within the day or two.

I began applying everywhere. I applied at banks, Barnes and Noble, bike shops, sporting good stores, Hallmark, and schools for autistic children. Nothing sounded promising. Every store said, "We're hiring in a few weeks." But I need something now.

The next day, I got a blessed phone call from a store that sells educational supplies. However, when the owner came to the knowledge that I am getting married mid-December, she immediately told me that her business and my wedding just wouldn't mix. Dead end.

Nothing else came about. For a week and a half I kept calling back, going back in, being persistent. Every job that turned me away brought tears to my eyes. By this past weekend, I even stooped to applying at Target, although the irregular hours turned me away, but I was getting desperate.

I also just started asking everyone I know if they knew of anywhere I could get a job. Everyone drew blanks. That is, until Sunday.

A family that I had stayed with in April told me that friends of theirs were hiring -- for a Monday-Friday, 9-5 job. They called them for me, and the next day, the owners of DepoBook called me and scheduled an interview with me at noon that day. Two hours later, I had a job with DepoBook, a court reporting service.

I started my job on Wednesday, and I love it! I spend time taking online orders and making up invoices, and doing billing of the depositions to attorneys across the country. Plus it's full time, no nights, weekends, or holidays. I haven't done much clerical work except for my own reasons, but I am loving it so far. It is great to be out of food service and having a real job! It was also definitely beneficial to ask everyone I know about jobs. Networking is a key tool, and I am so grateful for this job!

Wedding Dress

2008-07-30T18:48:00.007-07:00

I bought my wedding dress today! I just wanted to post a few pictures of it so everyone can get an idea what it looks like, although the pictures don't do it justice. I was so excited; it was the second dress I tried on and exactly what I wanted. It was $640 at the time, but the lady gave me 100 off... which was still about $50 out of my price range, but oh well=]

A Few Exciting Things

2008-07-02T16:54:00.004-07:00

Rexburg has its perks. I've only recently discovered my favorite one -- the cheap theatre!

With the rising prices of gas, movies, food -- everything!!! -- it's nice to sometimes be able to go out an enjoy yourself for a reasonable dollar or two. There are two options for movie theatres here in Rexburg- The Rex (which is equal to a regular theatre in California, only a little cheaper... a matinee is I believe 6, and a regular movie is 8.50... and I've heard California is about two dollars more expensive now) and the Cheap Theatre (it used to be called the dollar theatre, but like everything else, has gone up.)

Tonight, some friends and I are going to go to a regular movie time for only three dollars! PLUS Wednesdays are "free popcorn day!" I'm serious, kids, this is a real savings. Also, Indiana Jones is finally in the cheap theatre. I've wanted to see this movie since March!! Now, Paul and I get to go tomorrow night .... and tomorrow night at the cheap theatre is "buy one movie ticket, get one free." THREE BUCKS FOR BOTH OF US!!

Another exciting thing -- this 4th of July looks like it may beat out to win over my favorite 4th of July since, which was the year I went to my friend's house for his block party, and we all swam all day and watched three different cities' fireworks displays from his rooftop. I think this year may be even better. Paul and I are going to barbeque some chicken early in the morning before he goes to work until 2. Then we are going to borrow a friend's intertubes and go float the Snake River! Sometime during this, we are going to eat our bbq chicken, mashed potatoes, and bbq chips, then finish up the river before heading to the Sand Dunes with some friends from home that are up here. There, we are going to shoot off some lovely (illegal) Mexican fireworks:)

I'm pretty excited for this week. Plus, school is almost out, then I'll have an apartment to myself for a month before coming home to California. It's looking to be a good rest of the summer:)

Cooking

2008-06-20T22:34:00.003-07:00

Idaho has been useful in a couple of ways. I have learned a lot about my likes and dislikes and also about a few basic skills.

Obviously, I've learned that I love California a lot more than I thought I did, so rather than beat a dead horse, I'll skip that point. As far as basic skills, I have learned so much about cooking! It's been a lot of fun actually, especially since having Paul up here has forced me to need to cook real meals as opposed to the normal college meals of top ramen and granola bars (not that I don't eat a lot of granola bars!)

I think my favorite thing that I have learned to cook lately has been potatoes. Of course, right, coming from Idaho, I have to learn how to cook potatoes correctly. I taught myself how to cook baked potatoes and mashed potatoes so far, both of which, happily, turned out better than I even expected them to. In fact, I thought they were rather amazing, and so did Paul:)

I've also enjoyed learning how to make enchiladas, which is a recipe I got from my mom. Unfortunately, they are a little out of our budget (with the ridiculous price of chicken lately) but I really like making them. Eating them is also enjoyable but the making of them is a lot of fun actually.

I've also just learned how to plan meals in general, which is going to be incredibly helpful once I'm married... actually, it's already necessary now, as Paul and I are on a pretty tight budget. I make lists for each week of what we're going to eat then a subsequent grocery list.

Earlier this week, Paul and I went to the church-run thrift store (pretty much everything is really nice still but really inexpensive) and got what is likely to be our most favorite appliance ever. We bought this very new looking smoothie maker for only 8 dollars. It's basically a blender, only with a little nozzle at the bottom that conveniently pours into your cup at the flip of a switch. The cleaning took us about 30 minutes though. It looked clean on the outside, but it certainly wasn't on the inside. We had to use qtips and take the entire thing apart (luckily it really is pretty compartmentalized) and scrape out all of the dried fruit stuff. Our first smoothie was incredible! It has already, this week, paid for itself. We just have to make sure we take it all apart each time so that nasty dried, crusty fruit doesn't happen all over again:)

Just a Few, Random, Insomniac Thoughts

2008-06-10T04:11:00.003-07:00

So, as you can probably see from the post time, it is 5:11 my time. That's A.M. by the way. You're probably wondering what I am doing up this early! Does she have some exciting event like a trip to Disneyland planned?? Oh wait, I'm not in California.... Ok, then maybe a trip to Yellowstone? Nope, I've got school all day. Ok, then it must be lots of homework. No... not that, either.

I'm turning into an insomniac again! Twice this week; which really is lame, since for the past two and a half months I have been sleeping wonderfully! I fall asleep 15 minutes after I fall into bed, and I wake up 10 minutes after my alarm originally goes off in the morning. Of course, apparently that is a thing of the past, again.

This morning, I actually laid here for two hours before finally deciding I might as well do something productive with my time, and write senseless blogs on blogspot! And I really refuse to take those sleeping pills again. Way too expensive for my budget...

All right, so off the insomnia, a few new and exciting things. The one I can't contain my excitement about (the most) is ....

TWO MORE MONTHS AND I'M OUT OF HERE!!! (What does she mean by that?) Oh, shh, I'll tell you. Paul and I have decided that... Idaho just is not the place for us. For goodness sake, it's June and I have worn a huge jacket every day!! (Maybe you should get your iron checked?) No, I'm sure with all the tests at the doctors' (yes that is doctors plural possessive) offices, they would have found something. But anyway, back to leaving Idaho. So, I finish school July 18 (but that's only 5 weeks....) I know, I know, but Paul's job lasts until the end of August, so we'll be here until about the 20th (don't worry, Mom, I should be home for your birthday...) and then, in the beautiful, timeless words of Paul, "we'll leave and we'll never come back!" (Or maybe that last part was Gollum... I'm really not sure; life is such a blur this morning!)

(So where are you going then, hmm?) We're thinking somewhere about two hours south of our hometown, M, which would be about F. (I'm sure if you know me, you can figure out those keywords, ok?) Anyway, besides the weather, there are a few other reasons for that... Because you miss me right? Well, yes... that's part of it... but there are a few other reasons.

Ok, honestly, I'm not trying to hit on Idaho for the second time (or is it third) this year since I've been here. So I'm going to try (keyword: try) to be objective here, which supposedly is unbiased, but my opinion is that everyone has a bias based on word choice... but wow, that's another tangent I could save for another time (although it really is a fun tangent -- don't you love the word, "tangent"?) (Wait, what's going on here??) All right, so anyway, now that you've lost your train of thought, but I haven't, I'll get back to the point. Idaho.

Ok, hello, we don't have a beach. Anywhere. And if you start telling me we have a lake, I will laugh at you. We learned in my geography class about "Lake Rigby." Believe you me, anyone from California, and definitely any of my have-been-to or have-lived-in Minnesota readers would call this a pond. But I digress. (Ok, but is a beach really a good reason to leave a state?) You're right, it is just a silly reason; both sound and valid, but silly. Ok, next.

No, but really, the weather here is terrible. (That, again? Get off it...) No, but I'm serious. The warmest it has been since I've been here is, I think... 70? (Sounds good to me...) No, come on, really? That was one day. Every other day, it's been rainy. It's been windy. It's freaking been snowing!! (No way.) Yes, way. I believe the last time we had traces of snow was May 29? Somewhere around there. I'm probably making up the exact date, but, really, it was that recent.

Now, what happens when the weather is this bad? (You... go snowboarding in June?) No, it's too cold for that. If you can't warm up, don't get cold. Anyway, no it's called S.A.D. and believe me, baby, it doesn't go away if the sun never comes up! (Aww you're sad. That's cute.) No, dear, Seasonal Affective Disorder aka (maybe you'll know this one) "depression." So, yeah, that's getting old. That one didn't seem to affect me while in California.

(But what about me? I thought you said you missed me. Were you lying?) No, I wasn't. You're the other reason. I miss family. While we don't want to actually live in the same city (though we might) when we first get married, Paul and I want weekly or bi-monthly visits to at least be possible. (Anything is possible, even from Idaho!) Look, I thought you wanted me to miss you? Sure, it's possible, if you have 1000 extra greenbacks to spend every two weeks.

Ok, and really, life isn't that much more expensive in California. It may even be cheaper. (Yeah, right. What planet did you get your information from?) Well, actually, let me put it this way. Our apartment here was going to be $550 a month, about 500 sq. ft. and surrounded on every side by thin walls and other newlyweds. (Ok, ew.) Yeah that was my thought too. But, we checked out some apartments in F and found a gated community, with single-story separated apartments (does that even make sense?) two pools, barbecue pits, huge laws, a basketball court, and even a jungle gym for the kids (please no one over the age of 30 allowed) (aw, darn). Plus, let me remind the reader that minimum wage in Idaho is a lousy 5.25, while we are at 8 currently in California; I believe that number is going up in January '09 as it has the past who knows how many past Januarys.

So, anyway, I'll leave my schizophrenic thoughts to rest now. As much as I'd love to keep rambling, I'm sure you're growing sores in your eyes from staring at the same colors on this computer screen for so long. Besides, I'm hungry, and really I can't write when my stomach is screaming. It's just so distracting.

You've Got to Be Serious

2008-05-20T20:50:00.002-07:00

So concluding today, I took my sonnet to my English class for a workshop (basically a peer edit group). My two partners loved it, and the guy even said that he was planning on reading it again later when he had more time. I was finally encouraged. I had written this poem that I really liked, and felt as though maybe I really could get by with this creative writing class.

Then my teacher walked by.

Looking over my partner's shoulder, he said, "You're trying too hard. Why is it so archaic? You're trying to be poetic, and ... eh, it just doesn't work for me. Maybe if you can try being normal contemporary type, that might work, but trying to sound poetic makes it not very good."

What.

The.

Crap.

Seriously. Am I supposed to throw my voice away so I can take on his just to appease him?

That's what has been suggested by a few people -- but I'd rather fight the system than give up the beautiful, olde tyme language I am used to assimilating into my various expressions of writing, whether they be poetry, journal entries, or essays. My last semester's English teacher said that the best way to write well is to write like yourself!

So. Maybe... I won't make it through this class.

At least, the one redeeming part of this day is, when the teacher walked away, my group said, "It's ok. We don't like him either."

A Fun Activity

2008-05-20T10:24:00.005-07:00

So I'm home sick (again) today and was working on some homework. One of the resources for our creative writing class includes a webpage filled with writing experiments. I did one that is called an Acrostic Poem. What you do is pick a random book and take the title. For each letter in each word, go to the page number in the book that corresponds (a=1, z=26) and copy as a line the first word that begins with that letter to the end of the phrase or sentence. It was a lot of fun!!

I decided I would try this experiment with The Scarlet Pimpernel. Here is what I came up with:

“The Scarlet Pimpernel”

Take up arms, because one set of Frenchmen chose to murder another
Horror for the loathsome malady—
Express contempt for the comrade’s stupidity.

Smugglers brought snatches of news from over the water—
Catching an aristo in the very act of trying to flee.
A surging, seething murmuring crowd of beings that are only human in name
Round the corners of thin lips
Looking cheerful and cozy in the extreme
Express contempt for the comrade’s stupidity—
Take up arms, because one set of Frenchmen chose to murder another.

Pardon me
In a corner—
Moisture trickling down the windowpanes—
Pardon me—
Express contempt for the comrade’s stupidity,
Round the corners of thin lips:
Now one of these persons I shall see
Express contempt for their comrade’s stupidity—
Looking cheerful and cozy in the extreme.

These experiments are fun to do:) I even get to turn it in for credit! If you're ever bored, or just feel like being creative, this is a fun way to cheat:) I also was inspired as I looked at other assignments I could do with this class and decided to try to write a sonnet.

In our sonnet assignment, we had to follow the traditional rules of 14 lines, strict rhyming scheme, iambic pentameter (look it up on wikipedia if you don't know what that is -- I had to), and a volta (or turn). After looking up some of Emily Dickinson's poems for fun, I came up with the topic of mermaids for some reason and this is my first draft of my sonnet:

“Mermaid’s Jewels”
I stare at the glassy sea in the morn
In the summer sun’s sil’vry daybreak rise
Shimmering jewels to be all adorned—
Mermaids shall find their vanity’s demise.
In a world of watery, shallow lies,
In hope to build trivial self-esteem,
Hidden in sunlight’s clever, cru’el guise,
Perhaps they shall reach out to touch a dream—
Only to find beauty not quite as it seemed .
But as I look down, upon all of this
Perchance it is I, who needs be redeemed.
For with mine eye I regard Mermaid’s bliss,
Hands gracefully reaching t’ward the sun,
Her enjoyment, fulfillment ever won.

Anyway, let me know what you think -- if you like it, hate it, love it... whatever:)

I'm Beginning to Wonder...

2008-05-15T16:24:00.004-07:00

I'm beginning to wonder if... this Creative Writing class just isn't for me. Maybe it isn't so much the teacher; maybe it is just me. I'm not really sure. I've always considered myself a good writer, but when I sit in that class, I just feel out of my element.

First of all, as I've said before, I feel as though everything I write isn't good enough, is completely uninteresting, or is just plain not what the teacher likes. Am I the only one that faces this woe? It certainly seems so. Secondly, today is a good example of why I don't feel like this is my type of writing --

"Let's do a practice exercise. Write 1 paragraph about the physical characteristics of a character you have been working on for a while."

I blankly sit and stare at my paper. A character I've been working on for a while? Right... I finally wrote something down, but it was basically just the dark version of how I view myself.

"Next, write down your character's mental, spiritual, emotional traits."

Now I am just making things up. I go off of how my dark character looks and make up random words that seem to match her hair color.

"What are a few mistakes your character needs to make in order for your story to work?"

Story? What story? Have I been thinking of a story for all of these years also? Whatever. Definitely not me, but the character makes the mistake of crashing her car because she drives home drunk.

Wow. Really, I felt like the weirdo in that class. We broke up into groups and talked about our "well-thought" characters, and this girl starts talking about how she has had this character, and written about this character since she was 14. The character's physical appearance is well-developed, and she knows her inside and out. She is a medieval character, masculine... not quite gorgeous but beautiful in her own way....

Right. And my story is just a grown up version of what I wrote about in 5th grade.

Honestly, I love reading. I also love writing. Just not this type of writing. Maybe fictional stories just aren't my forte and I have to wait until we get into creative non-fiction. I'm not sure. All I know is that it makes no sense to me that, while I can write any academic essay and impress a crowd, I don't even enjoy making up things that can't possibly be true. Not that I don't enjoy them; as I said, I love to read. The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, and Twilight are all exceptional books in my opinion -- yet completely, utterly ridiculous from a real-world standpoint. Personally, I like making satire of the reality of everyday life.

Anyway, it's obviously far, far too late to drop this class; and even if I could, if English does continue to be my major, I'll have to stick it through sometime. But what if I do end up changing my major, again? Eh, oh well. I guess it isn't a complete waste of time.

Living to Be Positive... And Many Other Lessons I've Learned

2008-05-07T08:17:00.005-07:00

I never realized a few years ago that my immune system would continue to deteriorate as it has the past few months. I've always been susceptible to colds easily, but I've never experienced the continual flow and severity of illnesses before. And through all of it, I feel as though I have a lot to complain about.

In October was the beginning of my long line of illnesses. I first went in to the doctor for this strange rash that appeared on my back -- that turned out to be shingles. Basically, a simple description of shingles is that it is the continuation of the chicken pox; the adult version. It attacks only one side of your body, because it is a nervous-system disease. It also only hits a few small points on your body. Sometimes people get the rash on their face, sometimes on their back, such as in my case. Along with the rash, fevers, chills, nausea, and extreme pain are effects of the disease as well. It usually lasts between 1-2 weeks, can reoccur at any time with too much stress, and is very debilitating. In my case, I had to be prescribed multiple antibiotics and anti-inflammatory pills, as well as Vicodin for the pain.

About three weeks later, shortly before Thanksgiving, I had a small bout of the flu. Nausea and pain accompanied this illness. Then, in early December, I had to make another visit to the doctor again and was told I had bronchitis.

I hoped that my sicknesses would finally take a rest as I came to school in January and was able to start getting more sleep, but, unfortunately, my body decided to take on another problem called insomnia. After about 2 weeks of almost completely sleepless nights (OTC sleep-aids were not helpful at all), I not only began to get sour throats and stuffy nose and ears, but depression began to be a problem as well. I went to a psychologist for tips on how to sleep better, and he suggested I talk to the doctor about a sleep medication and anti-depressant.

Around this same time, I became more ill from my menstrual cycle than I ever had before. I nearly passed out in the bathroom and was so nauseated that I threw up. Something had to be done for this as well, because I had to miss school the following day, and while I had had severe pains before, and nausea, it had never been so debilitating before.

Shortly after I was prescribed hormone pills, Ambien (sleep medication), and fluoxetine (anti-depressant), I came down with a sinus infection in mid-February. I was put on antibiotics once again, and had to miss work and school for about a week. A week after I was finished with my antibiotics and finally feeling somewhat hopeful that my illnesses really SHOULD be over with by now, I began to feel sick again. I was out with some friends when my throat started to hurt. I assumed it was only a little cold, but within three days, it turned into a very serious cough, and I went to the doctor, where I had a chest x-ray. I was told that I was getting pneumonia, but that I couldn't get prescribed antibiotics because I'd been on them so recently that I could get seriously ill and put in the hospital because of the overdose of antibiotics within such a short period of time. I was instead put on an inhaler and steroids.

After my pneumonia, about 6 weeks ago, I was doing a fast along with the rest of my ward, and got very ill. I am fairly sure we can label it a low-blood sugar, which basically means I most likely have hypoglycemia. Since then, I have been careful to eat small snacks every 2-4 hours, and I have felt a lot better. But when I do not eat for a while, the dizziness and nausea from a low-blood sugar returns.

But, the last six weeks have been pretty good. I've felt as though I'm finally getting better with the summer coming on. I've only had a few small colds or sore throats a few days at a time here and there, and some abdominal pain that is fairly bad, but I can usually push through; nothing that would stop me from going to school or work. At least, nothing until yesterday.

Two days ago, I had small cramps with the beginning of my period. However, I took some of the prescribed pain killers I have, and felt fine that night. Yesterday, when I woke up and went to school, I felt perfectly fine, and just took some tylenol with me in case I needed it later on in the day. Halfway through my first class, I began to feel a slight bit of pain, so I took two Tylenol and hoped it would be better after that. However, 5 minutes before my class ended, I began to feel incredibly nauseated and dizzy. I leaned to my friend in front of me and told her I was going to faint, and she said she'd help me get outside to get some fresh air. But in the time it took for that exchange, all of my energy drained and my vision began to get very blurry. By the time class ended 2 or 3 minutes later, my vision was completely black and I could not sit up straight. I was in severe pain.

I was rushed to the Student Health Center, where I was immediately put on an IV with pain medication and anti-nausea medication, along with a water drip to keep me hydrated. They also took a blood sample to test my blood count, which later came back completely normal.

The doctors suggested something I already had felt was possible: endometriosis. Endometriosis, simply put in my understanding, is an escape of the cells that line the uterus to other parts of your body. These are the cells that allow you to have your menstrual cycle, but when these cells are in other parts of your body, they can be dangerous and very painful. However, this actually occurs in most women, but when you have a strong immune system, your body fights the uterine cells with the white blood cells to keep them only where they are supposed to be. In someone with a poor immune system like mine, what happens is that you internally bleed in other areas of your body, such as in your intestines. This causes pain throughout the cycle throughout your intestines, bowels, lower back, and lower abdominal region. It also causes diarrhea and longer, heavier, very uncomfortable periods. Endometriosis has no cure, and usually progresses worse and worse throughout the years. My mom had it, and she told me that the only thing that helped hers get better was actually having her first child, my sister. Unfortunately, 30-40% of women with endometriosis are infertile, and the other 60-70% have a difficult time getting pregnant the first time.

Basically, I am worn out with this trial. It has been going far too long, in my opinion. As the days go by, I find myself more and more negative. But.... I've decided it's time to change that.

James 1:2-4 says, "My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing."

Count it all joy? How can I be expected to look at all of my illnesses and be joyful, when I honestly would rather wallow in sorrow? To be honest, I have been doing that for a while. But I've honestly come to the realization that I can learn so much from these experiences. There are going to be others that go through lesser, but also tougher, situations that I can give support to. What I've learned through these experiences is that, with my being positive, I am showing faith in God. I also will learn, through that positivity, how to empathize with many others, as Christ did. He is our ultimate comforter, and I am striving to be like Him, I can learn through these trials, that seem so great to me, but that are still so much lesser than what He went through for me.

However, I've also learned something else through these trials. Yesterday, I called Paul to talk to him about my endometriosis. I told him basically what it was, and as I began to cry, told him it might be possible that I'm infertile and may also eventually be in so much pain that I won't be able to work (which is a possibility depending on how quickly and how far my endometriosis progresses). Obviously, one of my feelings throughout my illnesses has been, "How can someone love me when I'm such a burden?" I don't think I would feel that way if it was in the reverse, but I suppose it's different when you are in that difficult role. I knew that he felt very emotional too (Paul is never afraid to cry with me if he feels the need to), but I could tell that he was trying to be strong for both of us. He told me these words, "Do you really think your illnesses could make me love you less? That I would walk away and leave you when I love you more than myself?" He later added when we were talking about the possibility of infertility, "I want to have kids with you, but if you can't, just being with you and having you as my wife will be the biggest blessing ever!"

We're trying to be optimistic though. We are hoping that, even if it's difficult, that we will still be able to have our own children. However, we've been talking about how, even if I can't get pregnant, or even if I do, we'd like to eventually adopt. ... And then I learned something else. We were talking about the progression of the pain of endometriosis, and how even now it is hard for me to hold a job; how will it be if I continue to get worse? (Sidenote: We talked about how I will be able to finish school, because that is something I can mainly do from home if needed.) I know that I said there is no cure for endometriosis, however, there... kind of is. A hysterectomy is basically the only option because, if you completely stop the production of those cells, they won't be escaping to the rest of your body anymore, right? Paul suggested that, if I am ever in that much pain, he would want to make it better for me by doing anything he could, and that we could get that surgery done.

But I suddenly saw a vision that I know could be lost forever. I know that Paul wasn't suggesting he didn't want to have children, but he wants so badly to make me comfortable. But I objected. I know that we have to try to have our own children. I want to have my own babies, my own flesh and blood. Having a hysterectomy is something I know we, especially I, would regret so much later on. We'd never know if we could have had our own children. The pain of my endometriosis will be worth it to hold my own child. Not that adoption is not an amazing, bonding experience. But I want my own child. I'm sure that's not really something I have to explain too much to other women (or really, even to Paul).

So I've basically learned that I need to be positive, have faith in God, and trust and see what happens. I've also learned that Paul loves me more than I could have ever imagined possible... and that it will be hard, but we will make it someday as a family... And if I am infertile, Paul and I will make it as our own little family as just me and him, or maybe someday with children we've been able to adopt from unfortunate situations.

Whatever happens, things will be all right. I may hit my negative points again, but there are so many amazing things I can learn, I hope that I'll never really give up.

A Rough Draft

2008-05-05T23:52:00.003-07:00

I know that I said in my last post's comment that I don't enjoy writing poetry... However, after spending the last ... oh 7 or 8 hours on this poem, I've come to the conclusion that it can be enjoyable. Something I've learned from a book I've been reading lately is that when you write, write for yourself. Your biggest reward in writing isn't what others think, good or bad, but what you yourself think of it. This poem, I really like. I hope you do as well:)

(Criticism and thoughts gladly accepted.... IF you're not anonymous!)

“Convert’s Song”

Damp the air
With golden globes of summer’s soft sun rays,
Clutching crucifix on breast
The man cried convert’s song

Holding my conch I called
The whale
To open wide
His mouth,
To take me, save me
Belly deep-
Redeem my solemn soul.

But then I saw another sight
A beauty tempting me
Soft white upon the shore, the lace-
Mistress’ sheer gown

I nearly turned away from truth,
My back to ward the sun,
Yet reason came within the wind,
My mind then wondered again.

Once more I looked upon that man
Mysterious and strange was he,
Yet somehow I knew he held the truth
A solution, this could be.

“Dear man,” I called
My heart raced quick
“What is this song you sing?”
With trepidation in my step,
I tread to hear his cause.

A smile danced upon his lips,
Resounding words he spoke,
Carried unto my spirit’s core,
They pierced my fragile heart.

He told me how to rid my soul
Of all my life long pains
He said I could have peace in Christ
And eternities pure and full.

With resolve, I bowed my head
I never questioned him,
I was assured it was the way-
The way that I must go.

And now I cry a grateful tune,
Of my redeemer’s love,
That joy I shall forever sing
That hymn called Convert’s Song.

(May 5, 2008)

Something Different

2008-05-01T20:34:00.004-07:00

Something I am not quite accustomed to has been happening lately. I've been taking a creative writing class, something I thought I would enjoy, and yet so far I have been confused the past few classes. Throughout my career as a student with writing assignments, since fifth grade in fact, teachers and peers alike have praised my work as "very accomplished". Lately I have been almost annoyed and hurt, yet, to my benefit, humbled somewhat.

Today we did what is called a poem imitation. We had to imitate this poem in every way we could besides using all of the actual words:

This Is Just To Say

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast.

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold.

   -- William Carlos Williams

This was my version...

I have questioned
the thoughts
that were in
your black eyes

and which
you had probably
never
meant to share

Forgive me
you are intriguing
so sweet
yet so cold

My teacher said to me, "It's ok... it's kind of too abstract... and not enough sensory images. You need to add more..."

Well, I'm sorry I like to write about emotion rather than "the tree is green."

Here is another example that I'm slightly confused about because I've never had this reaction after I read something in class:

*shrug of the shoulders* "Yeah.... ok... pretty good.... Any other volunteers?"

Now it's not that the teacher is unresponsive. Shortly after my apparently pathetic offering, someone else will raise their hand. In my opinion, their work is not much greater than mine, and yet the teacher laughs and praises them with much enjoyment.

I honestly don't get it -- partly because, in my last class, my college level teacher thought I was 100% material. She found my writing extremely creative and poetic, and told me so many times. In contrast, I feel as though I am completely uninteresting to this teacher. I feel as though he thinks I am bottom-rung fish-food as far as the world of writing goes. I also don't understand because, in his syllabus, my teacher wrote, "There is no right or wrong way to be a writer. If it is structured well, and it is creative, you will receive credit." I have never, before these past two weeks, had anyone who found me completely uncreative and boring.

I suppose everyone has a nemesis that can help you be stronger someday.

Something positive -- I have been tutoring for the American Heritage class. So far this week, I have tutored around 14 people.. and it is the most rewarding job I have ever had! I love being able to help students understand the material -- and it isn't boring to me at all. Some may think that hearing 14 - 20 hours a week of the same history may seem monotonous and repetitious, but I have found it interesting and stimulating. I also love being able to see the light come on in students' eyes as they begin to understand more and more what they need to and want to know. It has convinced me that I definitely want to teach.

However, if I can't pass my creative writing class with a more than satisfactory grade....

Wedding Date and Website

2008-04-26T13:49:00.001-07:00

Well, we've set a date! Check out our website for all the details:)

It's still in the works, so it may take some tweaking here and there in the future:)

A Few Things

2008-04-24T09:15:00.003-07:00

I'm sure that it's well known, but I am engaged now! Paul and I have been trying to figure out exactly when to set the date, but we're a little stuck. Because of school starting soon after Christmas, and certain family members that won't be in California at the time we want to get married, we are considering having our wedding and reception different weeks. The direction we are kind of heading for now is our wedding being December 6, having our honeymoon the next week, then moving everything up to our new home in Idaho and getting settled there, then coming home for Christmas with our families and having our reception sometime within that time frame. That will take the stress off of us as school starts because we will already be settled in our new life together:)

My second semester has started this week. So far, I have really been enjoying most of my classes. I have to be honest, however, that my geography class, though easy, shall be the bane of my existence. I have never been subjected to anything more boring. However, the teacher seems very lenient, and the course itself isn't that hard...just, as I said, ridiculously boring. However, I so far LOVE my Creative Writing class. The first day, we received a taste of what the semester will be like as we were all asked to take a scrap of paper and write one line of poetry on it. Our teacher collected our words and then copied them all onto the computer screen and asked us to rearrange the random lines into a coherent and interesting poem. It was a wonderful and exciting exercise that has made the class seem great already.

Unfortunately, though Monday and Tuesday were warm and beautiful, the green grass reflecting the soft sunlight, today proved cold and gray, and as I was dismissed from my Eternal Marriage Prep class, I walked outside to find that it was... SNOWING! Shall I ever be granted a reprieve? While the snow did come later, this seemed to be the cause for the depressed and annoyed mood I felt this morning. How interesting it is that my mood be so affected by the sun! I've asked Paul already if it is possible for us to live somewhere warmer when we get married. I don't care where, as long as the sun shines a majority of days.

At any rate, this is a small and rather poorly detailed update on my life as it is today:)

Ridiculous -- A Mockery and Annoyance of and with America's Inept Teachers

2008-04-10T06:03:00.004-07:00

I may sound conceited, but I know a good paper when I have read one and I know a good paper when I have written one. I am currently angry with uneducated teachers, they not being my own, but Paul's. Now this might sound ridiculous that I care so much, but Paul's English teacher has made me very annoyed.

When Paul was here last weekend (or was it already two now?), he had a five page paper he needed to write, and since we were pressed for time to spend together, I helped him with it by helping him reword some things, find some resources, and by editing it for him. Sure, there were a few things I would have written differently, but I know enough about peer editing (reading and editing others' papers), that I know how to be honest and fair. I would have given his paper an A-, or perhaps a B+ if I wasn't feeling very nice;)

He waited a week and a half in anticipation for a grade sure to be better than his previous papers. However, we were both disappointed and dejected when he logged on to his class website, only to find he had gotten an 80%. A B-? Ridiculous! Now, I know I am not the most accomplished writer, and I also know that I am 18 and a freshman in college, but like I said previous, I know a good paper when I have read and written one, because my overall grade on my papers this semester has been 99%. This is not to sound as if I am above reproach and that, because I helped him, he was guaranteed an amazing paper. However, this was ridiculous. The paper was not a barely-above-C-level paper.

I would have perhaps been mollified had the teacher left a few good comments concerning weaknesses and strengths, and perhaps a few changes that he felt could have made. However, when this morning I finally was able to read the comments he typed into the margins of Paul's paper, I felt even more annoyed -- hence the post.

My favorite of his comments was, "We use the word 'people' today." Paul's sentence had been something to the effect of, "Since the beginning of the sporting world as man knows it, ....." (Is there anything wrong with that sentence? Is it too archaic for your post-modern, uneducated mind?) My second objection, overall, to this mediocre teacher is the fact that EVERY one of his comments after that said something to the effect of, "Good usage of...." Then at the bottom, "80/100", shortly after the, "STRONG Works Cited Page!" comment.

Let's be honest. This teacher is a perfect example of today's inept group of teachers. Anyone who knows how to read would have found Paul's paper at least relatively well-written, even if it was not an interesting subject. Which, by the way, it was not, which leads me to my next problem with this teacher.

For everyone who grew up with parents who sheltered you from inappropriate media, this teacher decided to get revenge on your family by making you pay back those years of being careful. So far, Paul has had to read books concerning the selfishness of men and the amazing "Generation Me" that concerns women on the rise (oh, feminism, how I abhor you!), a book about the sex and violence in an L.A. gang, and a book about the war crimes in Africa, and how a child learns to shoot up the town without regret -- all written from a triumphant standpoint, of course.

Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I have been home schooled and private schooled for a good portion of my recent years that makes me so ridiculously upset with the public school world; perhaps it is the fact that, from my A+ view, I can see the biased glasses teachers don when they feel a student is not the best, and consequently never grade above a certain average. Whatever the answer, I despise the lack of propriety in the morality and intellectual ability of the public school system.

I walked to school this morning, the snow swirling around me, but I did not feel the cold. The passion and annoyance I felt for this topic was boiling in my veins. I apologize to you, dear teacher, for my having learned to read the works of Jane Austen and the King James Version of the Bible at the age of ten or less. However, on the contrary, I beg you to read the words and literature that have blessed, shaped, and molded the world since its very foundations, before you believe you are such an authoritative figure in the literature and writing world.

I'm almost there!!

2008-04-08T15:58:00.002-07:00

I am so excited to see the end of this semester! I have one final left, and only two of four of my regular classes on Thursday, since my psychology and American heritage classes have been canceled. So far, I have done well on my finals. My worst grade was a 88%... but I must admit that I did not study for my child development test, so I am glad I did as well as I did.

And after Thursday, here comes the sun! I cannot wait to be in beautiful, sunny, warm California! I'm not sure if I will even really need to bring a jacket with me, as the lows in California are higher than the highs in Rexburg!

I am also excited to know that I will have finished my first semester in college. I still can't believe that I am already here that I'm already so old. Sometimes, I still feel like the little girl who likes to play outside, and has never had a job, and whose biggest worry is if Erik will ever reciprocate her admirations. I still wonder at the way time quickly passes, and how I still never feel a day older, though more mature, as time progresses.

Well, I am off to my last class of my English class:( I am a bit sad about that, actually. I have thoroughly enjoyed both my class, and my teacher. The worst part is that she is sick tonight, and cannot even attend class. I will wish I had had the chance to say goodbye. Anyway, farewell, and see you all soon!

Immaturity and Direction

2008-04-03T08:47:00.003-07:00

I know that the title of this does not seem to agree with itself, but the past few days have brought a few subjects to mind. In fact, the immaturity I speak of is not my own, but rather part of the psychotic personalities of two of my room mates.

At almost any private college, they have something similar to what we call the Honor Code at BYU-I. This includes not having boys in your bedroom or over past curfew, not wearing spaghetti straps on campus, etc. It also includes being active in whatever church you are a part of (there are non-members here who go to other churches), and quiet hours from 10pm to 8am.

Unfortunately, not everyone who is in a private school believes in the letter, let alone the spirit, of these rules. Four of us in our apartment, Emily, Courtney, Kat, and I, have had problems with two of our room mates, Amy and Kaycee, throughout the semester concerning the Honor Code. Several times, we have had to ask boys to leave when curfew is already past, and had to ask them to not sit in the girls' rooms and socialize, especially when they close the door. It also eventually got to the extreme of Amy's boyfriend spending the night and taking a shower in our bathroom.

Obviously we had reached a problem, and someone, we're actually not sure who, called the Student Honor Office on-campus, who then called each of us into their office for individual meetings.

Two nights ago, things escalated from bad to worse. Amy and Kaycee were obviously angry with us, although it isn't our fault that they broke the rules, and that we told the truth. However, they began doing immature things such as tearing off the paper Valentine's Day hearts Emily had put up on everyone's doors. They continued to rip them up and throw them in front of Emily's door. They also ruined the paper cranes that Courtney had made, throwing them on the kitchen floor.

Since curfew is at midnight, none of us really ever ask for the tv to be turned down, or voices to be lowered until after that time. So, because I'd been unable to go to sleep for the noise coming from Kaycee's room, I finally walked out of my bedroom and down the hall at 12:15 to ask her, Amy, and their friend (who was over past curfew), if they could please be a little more quiet. They all stared at me, then Kaycee very shortly said, "No. We're awake so too bad. Get over it."

I walked back to my bedroom in shock. I wondered if possibly her attitude had been an April Fool's Joke, but it turns out it wasn't. Over the next hour, their noise level increased, as another friend came over. They began fake screaming, laughing loudly, and yelling back and forth to one another over the extreme noise of the tv. I talked to one of my other room mates, and she told me I could call the R.A., which I did immediately. The R.A. said she couldn't really do anything, but that she would talk to them over the phone, and so I walked out to the living room and up to Kaycee. As I handed her my phone, she demanded, "What's this?" I told her it was our R.A., and she scornfully said, "Are you serious?"

I don't happen to know if the R.A. and Kaycee are good friends, but from what I overheard, they must be. Kaycee started laughing and saying how ridiculous it was, and how the R.A. didn't need to be sorry, and they'd see each other later. As the phone call finished, I walked up to Kaycee and held out my hand for my phone. She began yelling at me about how stupid I am and how I do this to them every night, and they aren't ever allowed to make noise if I don't want them to.

I must admit I began yelling back. I was incredibly angry. I told her that I have NOT said anything in the past two months, because I normally take sleeping pills and am knocked out whether there is light or sound. She proceeded to say, "Well shutup and go to your room! Put your stupid ear plugs in and shutup about it!"

I was afraid to leave my room the next morning, for fear of confrontation. I was so unhappy with the fact that I was made to feel so uncomfortable in my own home, that I carefully looked out of my room to make sure Kaycee and Amy were not awake yet, threw on some shoes, and ran down to the manager's office. I told them the entire story, but I'm not sure if they will do anything.

Thankfully, there are only 8 days left with these horrors. While I am on my way to California next Friday, they will be leaving my apartment and moving somewhere else. They may even be getting kicked out; I am not sure yet.

All of that said, there are a lot of people here that are really wonderful. My other room mates are really fun, and while of course they have their own faults, they tend to be more on the normal side of humanity. I suppose I just don't understand why people like Kaycee and Amy are at this school. Similarly, if I had gone to Master's or Biola as originally planned, I'm sure I would have found people there about whom I would have wondered the same things. I am sick of people saying that, "My parents made me come here." You are an adult, no one can force you to come to a school or institution that you disagree with. Stop blaming mommy and daddy, start paying for your own schooling, and go where you want to go. Just don't ruin it for the rest of us.

Anyway, that rant is over... for now.

So as I've continued to consider my major and direction in life, my room mate helped me come to a wonderful conclusion. I could be an English major, psych minor, still get my master's in counseling, and then have the freedom to choose between my two ideal jobs. It will take the same amount of time, have much interest for me, and will end in a wonderful conclusion. I have to be honest, I'm fairly excited about this course. I am glad to slowly be figuring out my wants as far as education go.

The snow is continuing to melt away, although the weather is still not up to par with my expectations of spring. Although temperatures are supposed to be in the high 40's today, it is currently 17 degrees. How I wish I could have seen spring in California. By the time I get there in mid-April (thankfully, coming so soon!), it will nearly be summer:)

Finals are beginning, and somehow I am not frightened. My English final was nearly a joke, no pun intended even though it was given on April Fool's Day. We were given the prompt, "What is one thing you have learned from this class that you believe has benefited you?" then told to write two pages, handwritten. I really believe that was the easiest final I have ever taken since junior high.

I have also rearranged my class schedule a little bit:
M: 1:15-2:45 Interpersonal Communications (3 credits)
T: 9-10 Trigonometry (2 credits)
10:15-11:15 Religion (2 credits)
11:30-1:oo Geography (3 credits)
3:15-4:15 Creative Writing (3 credits)

Wednesday and Thursday are the same as those days, although I also have a 1 credit Geography lab.

Also, yesterday I had an interview and was hired for a tutoring job on-campus for next semester. I am really excited, because the job allows you to make your own hours and it will be good experience for me if I do ever become a teacher. Also, the pay is fairly good for Idaho, at 7.50 an hour.

More exciting than all of that is that Paul found a very good job up here in Rexburg for the summer. He is going to be selling church DVDs through referrals, and can make up to 30k in 14 weeks! They also pay for his rent, and possibly even some of his gas money. I am so excited that he will be here this summer, as will Breanne.

Life is definitely looking a little more promising for the future:)

Sunshine

2008-03-22T14:40:00.009-07:00

Music for you to enjoy while you read: (right click and open in a new tab or window)
Click here:)
Then click here:)

I am not sure when it happened, but I walked outside one day and realized the snow had melted a considerable amount. The sun is shining again, and the grass is beginning to turn from brown to green. Granted, it is still only thirty degrees right now, but the sunshine makes life feel more optimistic and hopeful.

As I have continued this past month through school, I began realizing how much I really do enjoy writing. There is comfort to me in the sound of my thoughts being expressed in the depression of the keys on my laptop. I have been thinking more and more about what direction I want to take in school, and though I definitely did not think I would be like everyone else in changing my major my first semester of college, I am considering becoming an English Education major after all. I have had six papers graded of the seven I've written so far, and five of them have come back with 100% written on the top, with a note saying, "I cannot find any weaknesses in you as a writer!" My 94% paper was written in the midst of my pneumonia, and never edited past its first draft. My friends shook their heads in disbelief and said they hardly do that well when they've spent weeks on their papers, and yet it's somehow so natural for me.

I know that you should not major in something and take a course just because you are good at it, but then again, if you have began to love what you are so innately good at, why should you not run in that direction? I do still love the idea of being a family/marriage counselor; however, I must admit that the schooling it will take to get there does not interest me. I have been thinking lately about how I would enjoy teaching English, encouraging young minds to love to read and write and take joy in their personal expression of emotion and thought. I also enjoy reading and editing my peers' papers, and giving them my input and thought.

One thing I know for sure, I am a people person. I enjoy being alone and writing down an account of my day's journeys, but I would never want to work alone. I would never want to be alone in the back room of a warehouse, sorting merchandise or pricing items. I have realized recently how much I really need people. I have realized how much I love talking to people, relating myself to them, and hearing their thoughts and stories. I think this is why I would still love being a counselor, and yet as I have listened to and watched the examples of my teachers more carefully, I have realized I do not want to sit and listen to the problems of society and individuals, but that I would rather shape and mold those who have not yet been ruined by the cold world outside.

Perhaps it sounds as if I have an unrealistic idea of the goodness of teenagers, and the morality and optimism of their minds toward learning. However, I certainly know that there are troublemakers and unwilling children in the hearts of any age of man. I suppose that my point is that I would rather deal with the occasional problem in a high school English class, rather than sign myself up for an overall group of unhappy, fighting couples and immature solutions to adult life.

On a slightly different note, I registered for my summer semester classes last week and may have overloaded myself. I suppose I feel like I will try out the classes the first week and go from there, because I am able to drop up to six credits and still be what is considered full-time at this school (which is fourteen credits). Yes, it is true; I am registered for twenty credits as of now. This next semester I have signed up for the required religion class (three credits), a "real world" math class (three credits, but which, thankfully, is the only math class required for an English major:)) an intro to geography (three credits) and its lab (one credit), an interpersonal communications class (three credits), a social problems (sociology) class (three credits), a visual arts lab (one credit, consisting of being present at various plays and concerts throughout the semester), and a creative writing class (three credits). I am especially excited about the creative writing class. I only today signed up for that class, the occasion being providential in that I signed up over a week past the last registration date (those of us with few credits are pushed to the end) and there was one opening left in a class that fit my already-full schedule.

I am also excited for the last day of school, because I am going home to California for a week during the break between semesters! I have plans already to visit the beach and go on picnics, and generally enjoy the sun. I think that I will die if it happens to be raining all that week that I am home enjoying the Golden State:)

Although I am sure I could continue writing for another hour or two, updating the world on my entire life, I will end here and attempt to finish some of my psychology homework:)

p.s. I think everyone who reads my blog reads my sister's blog and is updated by her emails as well, but this picture of Caleb is so cute that I have to post it!

Consideration

2008-02-28T13:45:00.004-08:00

It's cold today. The air is white with damp, cold fog. The ground is wet with melting snow, and the grass that is visible is brown and dead. The atmosphere is drab and the feeling disconcerting. Those who have not grown up with the sun, the sand, and the waves available in California don't understand their influence on my very existence, and the dramatic difference it makes in my mood and happiness.

I'm considering CalPoly San Luis Obispo again for school. I have another year and a half of general education requirements before I can transfer, but since I dislike Idaho so much and still love the idea of San Luis Obispo so much, I think the money would be worth it to me. Perhaps I could even stay home in California and go to junior college there starting in the fall. Perhaps I could go to junior college in San Luis after all, as I had planned before.

Whatever it is that I decide, I know that I like school, and I even like this particular college and atmosphere, but the weather and boring life of this state is pushing me away. I've decided I hate the cold; I hate the snow, and I hate winter. I am a California girl through and through, and I'm ready to go home.

The problem is finances. I don't know where I will live in California. I don't know how I'll pay rent or how I'll find a place to live. Idaho really is the ideal place for the middle-class student. But to me, it feels worth it to go into a little bit of debt to feel happier, more settled, and home.

Frustration and Amazement

2008-02-26T19:56:00.000-08:00

I haven't really figured out how to talk about this without sounding conceited or unsympathetic towards others. However, school is too easy for me. I'm not being challenged. So far, college has been a joke. I have written three papers, and all of them have been graded 100%. My lowest grade in my classes is, I believe, 93%, and I rarely do homework. I'm not sure if it's just me, or if my classes are just incredibly easy, but I'm wondering when the work is going to start. Part of me wants to just stop doing my homework and dare my teachers to give me a bad grade - I hardly do anything anyway, so why would less do much harm?

I experienced this during my senior year of high school, also. My English class was too easy. I did a week's worth of homework the night before it was due, and received an A+ in the class. I didn't like my math class, so I stopped doing homework and still pulled off a B. I stopped going to my Spanish class and stopped doing my homework, and, just from doing tests, I got a C+. The B and C+ are bad grades for me, but I am almost happy now that I finally received reactions from my teachers.

To be honest, it felt nice the first time for my college writing teacher to say, "You are an amazing writer; I cannot find any weaknesses!" However, I now feel disappointed. I'm 18, and I've never been in any real, formal writing classes, besides those given in public schools. I cannot be naturally perfect; there must be something to critique.

I also am in three classes where I don't have to write a single paper. This does not feel like college to me. This feels easier than high school, to be honest. In my government class my senior year, I wrote a two-page paper every week, not to mention the large amount of reading I'd do, as well as a weekly multiple choice quiz, a midterm, and a final. In my American Heritage class (which covers both government and economics, as well as the complete history of America - sounds intense, but it's not), I have nothing more than five fifty-question exams throughout the semester - nothing being comprehensive.

In summary, I suppose I expected college to be harder. Part of me wonders what would have happened if I'd gone to a public high school and taken AP classes - would I be at Princeton right now? I also am ready to be challenged, or I know I will begin to slack off.

On a completely different note, I still can't believe I am in college. I used to look at my sister as so grown up and mature when she went away to school. Now, I'm in her shoes and I still feel like that eight year old. I was walking home today, thinking about all the things I need to do this week, such as laundry, homework, work, and classes, and yet I don't feel old enough to take on those things. Yet at the same time, I am anxious to continue growing up, to finish college, and to get a family and a real job.

I know those things will come eventually, but for now, I am amazed I am even in Idaho.

I Miss California

2008-02-26T11:42:00.001-08:00

I've posted this on my Facebook, but I thought I'd post it here again for those of you who aren't signed up for that site!

There are so many things I am starting to really miss about California. I never thought I'd miss my state, let alone my hometown, but I do. Every day as I'm walking through the snow, I ask myself, "Why would anyone want to live here?" Sure, it's not that bad but it's missing a lot...

*California has real produce! The apples are crunchy and juicy! The vegetables are fresh and from a nearby field, oftentimes. The strawberries are naturally red, and you can buy them at a roadside stand.

*Springtime in California! I miss it so much! I miss the smell in the air, the warmth in the air, and the general feeling I always get. I used to associate the sound of planes with sitting in the warm, spring sunshine, but this morning, I heard a plane and looked outside... to find that it had snowed.

*I miss the general acceptance of California; I miss people not staring just because you're wearing a style you like. Here in Idaho, it is generally acceptable to just stare at someone.

*Drivers are terrible here! Maybe not all of you, and that's not to say we're all amazing in California, but, generally speaking, people in Idaho not only drive really slow, but they don't know how to park. I miss the state of going at least 5-10 miles over the speed limit, and knowing how to park at the beach between two cars that are so close to each other that you have to crawl out of your own.

*Speaking of the beach, I miss knowing it's there! I can't just drive an hour to Santa Cruz to see the waves and sand. I'm landlocked... And also, California is amazing because you can go surfing in the morning, and snowboarding in the afternoon, in the same day if you wanted to.

*Snowboarding. I've heard the snow is great here in Idaho, and I complained often enough in California about the snow, but now... I'm cold so often that I don't even want to go snowboarding. I've been here nearly two months and I haven't even attempted to go; in California, I used to drive two hours to get somewhere to board at least three times a winter. Plus, you can go snowboarding in a thermal and a t-shirt in California... Here, I don't know how many layers I'd have to wear because I'm not sure if I'd get too hot, or if I'd be too cold...

*I miss the trees in my hometown! R* is sparse. The trees we do have aren't very pretty, and they're rare.

*I also miss the Mexican food! I work at a Mexican restaurant, but it's just not California-Mexican. For one thing, you don't go to a nice (non-fast food restaurant) in California and get ground beef on your taco or burrito. That's just... lame. And not Mexican. I've also had people ask me what a quesadilla is! I was hoping she was joking, but when she asked me again, and then another person asked me a few days later, I realized that people really are that uneducated.

*I miss real Californians. There are poser-Californians here, people that just want to be Californians. There are so many girls that talk about "Cali" and wear Hollister sweatshirts that say California on them.. and yet they've never even been to California, let alone lived there!

*It's also so isolated here in R* (we have a Walmart and a Taco Bell), and I don't think it gets much better anywhere in Idaho. Sure, Idaho Falls has a little mall, but it's not like even my hometown. When my computer broke, there was no Mac store for more than 250 miles (in Salt Lake City or Boise!)... and my phone is breaking, and there isn't a AT&T store, either.

*I miss being able to go to San Francisco, the real "city." I've heard people talk about "the city" being Idaho Falls, which is roughly the size of Turlock.

*I miss the chicness of California, also. People are just... more cool... somehow. This one is hard for me to describe because it's subjective, in a way, but when you see everyone around you pretending they're from California, you know you're from the cooler state.

*Last of all, I think I miss the economy of California. I make 3.75 an hour, and most people here are really cheap when they tip. 8-10% is not acceptable in California.

Idaho isn't all bad, of course; I've made a few friends and school is going really well. But I miss California so much more than I ever thought I would! I miss my family (well, some of them:)), and I miss my friends. I miss Paul, and I miss being able to hang out with everyone. (There's nothing really to do here besides build igloos.) I miss the things that I had available, even if I didn't use, in California.

Finally, this song from Sixpence None the Richer describes my life near perfectly right now.

"A Million Parachutes":

Like a million parachutes the snow’s coming down
I’ll lock up the front door and turn the lights down
In the glow of the street lights, i see them descend
Like a million parachutes, small men on a mission

I miss the warm, i miss the sun
I miss the ocean, i miss everyone
I miss the bridges that span across the bay
Tonight it seems like ages ago

Like a million parachutes the snow still falls
The dogs are asleep now, there’s no one to call
I’ll put on some records and wait for the light
All those million parachutes, now a blanket of white

I miss the warm, i miss the sun
I miss the ocean, i miss everyone
I miss the bridges that span across the bay
Tonight it seems like ages ago

Hello Everyone!

2008-02-26T11:37:00.000-08:00

Hello, everyone! I created this blog so that I can keep everyone at home more easily updated on what's going on for me at college. Check back often; I'll be posting regularly!